Bible Study

Last night was a good bible study at church. And exciting news for me as well. I get to read some of my poetry at the Veteran's Day celebration on November 6. Yippee!! What an honor to get to recognize all our vets so publicly. Thank you, Lord. Use me as you will.

So last night I did something new...I wrote three liners instead of a long poem. Very interesting. I know they came from God, because I usually don't write like this.

The receipt
Of deceipt
Led to death.

Staying in the light
Gives us life
And takes us to God.

Isn't it odd
We forget that God
Is the final judge?

Why do we rant and rail
When we fail
To follow God's path?

We suffer from rejection
Because of the deception
Of the lies we believe.

Even when life is hard
And we have a broken heart,
God is worthy to be praised.

If our flesh we do satiate,
How can we radiate
With the glory of God.

When we allow the intrusion
Of any delusions,
We will surely die.

When we diverse,
And forget to reverse,
We fall away from God.

Let me know what you think of this style. It's new for me, but I kind of like it. Brief and to the point. Something I can put on a calendar, or my computer, to remind me where to keep my focus. Have a wonderfully blessed day!

A New Day

Today was a new day. I went to bed early last night, and woke up early today. I felt good, and got to work right away. Good thing, because between 6 and 9 a.m. is when I accomplished almost all the work I did today. Tonight I made someone's costume for work. It's done except the finishing touches she's planning to put on it. So much work for something she'll wear only once. Oh well.

Robin was ambitious and cooked lunch and dinner today. Ken called yesterday; we're having Thanksgiving on Saturday at Bob's church. Only have to give a donation for using it. It's nice they let us come in. That reminds me, I have to let Cindy know, and I'm going to tell Becky too so they can come if they can make it. I hope I can save enough money for us to go. No money from Robin, she's still working only part time. And I have to get enough money for the holidays to get Stephanie and James home, and back to school. And have enough for me to go for my check up for the heart study when I take them back that first week in January. All I can do is walk in faith that what is needed will be there, and keep on working for it. Because I believe God helps those who do the work and don't sit back and wait for the blessings. Faith is like a muscle, it needs to be exercised to get stronger.

The jeep died again. I got the new battery, it ran for three days, and died again. So I think it really does need an alternator. John said he would rebuild it for me, so I'll have to talk to him. Another month to save up enough for that. Another month of walking home from work. That means my clothes will continue to get too big! I don't mind that at all.

Now I'm tired, so emails to Cindy and Becky, and off to bed I go. Happy dreams tonight, I think. And I'll wake up singing a new song, ready to start another new day. Isn't it wonderful we have new days to write the pages of our life in? I'm glad I get all those new days, with new mercy and new grace. Be blessed.

Nightmares and Never Ending Love

I wrote Never Ending Love today. I had a really bad night, woke up fighting. I felt like I'd been battling all night, and today I am so tired. I thought I was finished with these kind of nightmares, but I guess I was wrong. Problem is, I don't know what triggered it. Oh well, keep God in my sight, and keep moving forward. Remember who really loves me. Remember who protects me, who knows what path I'm on and where I'm going. Because today I have no idea what is in store for me. I know the dreams, but see no way of attaining them. I know the path full of light, which is where I always need to stay because it's where I am safe. I sure don't want to get off now, after all I've gone through and how far I've come. Because I can look at myself now, and see a wonderful person, not the poor thing I used to be. I am so richly blessed, and I know it. I never want to take it for granted.

Here is some of what I remember speaking after church last night:

I was in the valley of death
And I was afraid.
There were dry bones all around me,
And I was afraid.
There were shackles on my ankles and wrists,
And I was afraid.
There were chains on my neck,
And I was terrified.
I was sinking deeper into the muck and mud,
And I was terrified.
"Oh God!" I cried.
"There must be something more!
I cannot do this! If you are there, there must be something more!"
God heard my cry.
He reached down and touched me.
He reached down and breathed life into me.
The shackles and chains broke.
I rose out of the mud.
Now I fly with the eagles in the skies.
I soar over the clouds towards heaven.
I am free, free, FREE!
Rejoice.
The valley of death no longer holds fear.
Fear has fled before God,
And I am free.

I think there's more, but right now I'm too tired to think of it. I feel like I'm a mess, and I really need to hang on as tight as I can, and curl up in the Father's lap and feel His love, and the safety only He can give. Amen

Never Ending Love

I was lying in my bed,
Thoughts of sleep going through my head.
I woke suddenly to find
Terrible dreams in my mind.
Dreams of me as a child.
Dreams of those tests and trials.
Dreams of innocence lost.
Dreams of the horrible cost
Of a child who got used
In many forms of abuse.
I dreamed he was next to me
And no one was willing to see
How he threatened her with harm
And destroyed his child’s heart.
I dreamed of how she tried to fight.
How she stayed away from the dark and in the light.
How she tried to never be alone when he was around.
How she would sleep outside on the ground.
How she tried to be hard to find.
I dreamed of how people were not kind
When the truth became known.
Of how her mother groaned
And was torn between belief and disbelief
And could offer no relief
To her child who was all alone
And was removed from her home.
I dreamed he was in the bed
And my whole being filled with dread.
My eyes flew open and I awoke.
I looked and looked, but no one spoke.
I realized this time it was only a dream
And I wonder what it could mean.
I thought I had dealt with this issue.
The wounds had healed, leaving scar tissue.
Once more I must learn to cope.
Once more I must remember where I have hope.
I must remember Jesus really loves me.
I must search for his face until I see
The love God has for me is all-encompassing
And His heart beats with a song I can sing.
The song of never-ending love,
Never-ending love from my Father above.

Thoughts

When I'm crocheting or knitting and not having to count, I'm thinking....about what needs to be done, what's for the next meal, where is the money going to come from to visit mom, to bring the kids home for winter break. But I think a whole lot more about God, and how blessed I am. And I pray while I'm working...for specific people, for people in general, for/about lots of things. And I pray that whatever I'm working on will bless the person who receives it. I talk to God a lot. And something changed not long after I moved here. When I'm working on something, and thinking my way through it, instead of "I'll do it this way", it's "we'll do it this way". It isn't just me! It's the holy spirit helping me, guiding me. I am so grateful for this, because I sometimes think that car accident did more damage than everyone thought, and I know if God hadn't had His hand in my healing, I would not be able to function as a "normal" person today. I still have trouble with my balance sometimes, especially when I'm tired. And I know I know something, but the answer will not come, again especially when I'm tired. That isn't just age, or being too busy, or trying to remember too much. Something happened that changed me, even though people don't notice it.

Anyway, yesterday I had some down time at work, and while I was thinking about life in general, and about God specifically, I realized this:

I believe my destiny
Is not to live in misery,
But to spend eternity
Worshipping my Lord and King!

Eternity includes the here and now. It includes this present moment, because I can't have the moment that just flew by back. I have to function in this present moment, I have to worship God in this present moment, I have to live in this present moment. I can remember the past, I can dream about the future, but I live in this present moment. So I want to make the most of this present moment right now. I don't like going back to the past, and I don't know what the future holds for me, but I do know what is going on right now, in this present moment, and I have the burning desire to make the most of it.

So I am living in this present moment, healthy or not, whether I am working or resting, writing, sewing, knitting, reading or whatever I am doing, to the best of my ability.

So these are my thoughts as I start out this morning. I will not be miserable, I will be joyful. I will not be lukewarm, I will be on fire. I will be grateful for what and who I am. I will worship the Lord with all my might, all my heart, all my soul, and all my ability, because God gave me that ability to do so and I do not want to waste it. Thank you, Lord, for blessing me so much. Amen.

All Alone

She sits in her room all alone
And wonders what she should do.
She's afraid to pick up the phone,
Others think what she says isn't true.

She prays for someone to rescue her,
But no one comes to her aid.
Her soul is battered, her body hurts,
And people don't understand why she's afraid.

She tries to never be alone with him,
Not difficult during the day.
But at night, when mom's gone again,
He's free to have his way.

She finds release in her diary,
It doesn't call her a liar.
She records it all, the abuse and the dreams,
And prays the dreams don't expire.

Then mom got sick, wound up in the hospital,
And someone heard and believed.
Made some noise, made some calls,
Convinced them it wasn't a made up story.

He spent only a few days in jail.
She was pressured to drop the charges "to save the family".
She was confused and so scared she would fail,
At what all the different ones wanted her to do.

She was a young girl, not very strong.
She was subjected to scorn and ridicule.
When the rumors started, she was the one in the wrong.
But she was stronger than she knew.

She ignored the gossipmongers.
She did her work and graduated from school,
And searched for the things for which she hungered.
She got married, more than once.

She had children of her own.
She didn't really know how to trust.
She struggled to provide a safe and secure home.
Then one day he was found dead,
And she worried, for her children had not been told.

Telling them had filled her with dread
Because she was afraid their hearts would turn cold,
That they would lose respect for her
When they found out the ugliness of her past.

Would they understand the fear and the hurt?
"Is that why we hardly saw him?" they asked.
She went through lots of therapy
And learned to forgive him.
Then she learned to forgive herself so she could be free.

Now her life is moving forward again.
She searched many places before she found Jesus.
She's learning how to have good relationships.
She found peace, joy, happiness,
And hope so bright that helps her to never quit.

A Beautiful Day

The sun was shining today, and it's supposed to be nice tomorrow. Then rain next week. I had a wonderful day at work. Between answering the phone and helping the customers who came in, I figured out a crochet pattern, and made a dozen bell ornaments for the upcoming craft show. Until I finish the never-ending quilt, which is almost ready for the binding, and the Halloween afghan, and all the mending I've been doing, I am rarely just sitting.

BUT, I've been thinking about a title for the next book (not the one being edited right now-that's called From Trouble to Joy). Thinking about cups. Maybe I should just write a bunch more about cups. Already have three poems. I think I could come up with enough to fill a chapbook with 31 poems. Might take a little time, though. :)

Is my cup half full or is it half empty?
Are there dregs on the bottom,
Or is it clear as can be?

Good start, I think. Think I'll go write. Good way to unwind.

Got a letter from the MRI people today. Recommends another mammogram in six months to check an area that they believe is probably benign. What do they know? I am healed. I am trusting the Lord in this. I refuse to worry about it, and I will stay healthy. I'm so much better since I moved here. I have less stress, I'm getting rid of weight, I'm eating better, and I'm happy. What more can we ask for? God is taking care of me. I am absolutely fine, and no person is going to tell me otherwise.

Enough for now. Gotta go write about cups being half full. Hallelujah!