Rescued

When I look at my life today,
I know I would not have chosen this way.

My life was on a fast track,
And I don't want to go back.

I needed and wanted to slow down
And plant my feet on solid ground.

Instead, I was on shifting sand,
A traveler in this foreign land.

Tired of being so alone,
Always wanting to go home.

I seemed to be on the outside looking in,
Far too busy to have many friends.

Help me to slow down, I prayed.
But ow I cried on that day.

Like a giant tree, I fell
To fight another battle to get well.

For me, my greatest wealth
Is to have thriving, good health.

So I will do whatever I must,
Because in God alone I really trust,

To know and provide what's best for me.
His best is what sets me free.

And because of His mercy and grace,
One day, I will see His face,

Unless, of course, I fall down
With my face upon the ground,

Overcome with awe
That when God looked at me He saw,

Not the filthy mess I was in
To be rescued from again and again,

But someone worthy to be His child,
Even when I was crazy and wild.

I'm proud to be a follower of the living Christ.
I'm so glad Jesus came to give His life

To rescue me and set me free,
So I can be with Him for eternity.

Thank you.
Amen

Average

I joined a writing "class" online, and am doing homework! I've only done one lesson so far, but thought I'd post this one and get some feedback from others too. I just want to see what others think, there aren't any right or wrong answers. Thank you in advance.

It’s an average looking house in a working class neighborhood. The front porch needs paint, white lace curtains hang at the windows, a light glows warmly.

As she approaches the house, she thinks about how average her life is.

She unlocks the door, enters the house, and is blown away by three whirlwind tornadoes.
“Hi mom! What’s for supper? See what I made today?” and her average weariness melts into nothingness as her heart bursts with love.

Never Ending Love

I was lying in my bed,
Thoughts of sleep going through my head.
I woke suddenly to find
Terrible dreams in my mind.
Dreams of me as a child.
Dreams of those tests and trials.
Dreams of innocence lost.
Dreams of the horrible cost
Of a child who got used
In many forms of abuse.
I dreamed he was next to me
And no one was willing to see
How he threatened her with harm
And destroyed his child’s heart.
I dreamed of how she tried to fight.
How she stayed away from the dark and in the light.
How she tried to never be alone when he was around.
How she would sleep outside on the ground.
How she tried to be hard to find.
I dreamed of how people were not kind
When the truth became known.
Of how her mother groaned
And was torn between belief and disbelief
And could offer no relief
To her child who was all alone
And was removed from her home.
I dreamed he was in the bed
And my whole being filled with dread.
My eyes flew open and I awoke.
I looked and looked, but no one spoke.
I realized this time it was only a dream
And I wonder what it could mean.
I thought I had dealt with this issue.
The wounds had healed, leaving scar tissue.
Once more I must learn to cope.
Once more I must remember where I have hope.
I must remember Jesus really loves me.
I must search for his face until I see
The love God has for me is all-encompassing
And His heart beats with a song I can sing.
The song of never-ending love,
Never-ending love from my Father above.

Cancer FREE

Year number three
Out of chemotherapy
And I am still
CANCER FREE!

My three year anniversay was October 10. I almost didn't realize it, I was so worried about that ultrasound. After a LONG 1.5 hours, the test was clean! I can't even begin to explain how relieved I was. And how thankful I am that even when I am scare, even when I have doubts, God is right there in the middle of everything, taking care of all the details. I was angry that it took three tests to figure out what I told them the first time. But I think I was more angry with myself for not fighting the fear harder. I was fighting pretty hard, whether others saw it or not.

In some ways I don't understand why people celebrate having survived cancer, but in some ways I do. It's like a birthday or an anniversary, with one more year of life lived. Maybe I don't celebrate it like some because of all the others things I've gone through that have been life altering/life threatening, and this was one more battle to win. I don't know. I just know I like to celebrate life every day, and I never forget where I've come from. I am so grateful to God for bringing me this far, and I know I have farther to go. Life is an adventure, so live it to the fullest, to the best of your ability.

Sure, I don't have the money to do some of the things I want to do like travel, but my kids still have a mother, I still help others, I am doing things I enjoy even while I'm working, and God is just SO GOOD that I have to love Him with all I am. And I do. So whoever reads this, God is good. God is faithful. God is jealous over me and you, and even when you don't see Him, or feel Him, He is HERE! I think of all the times He's had to carry me because I was too weak to even walk or crawl, and I KNOW how blessed I am. So for me, all the glory goes to God because I sure couldn't have done it myself. I would have been dead years ago. Sean and Brian would have been mourning the loss of a mother, and Robin, Stephanie and James wouldn't even be here. All those years of depression, of thoughts of suicide when I thought I couldn't handle it anymore, are memories of the person I was. But that's the best part, they are just memories. I am alive, and I have God to thank for that because He reached out and picked me up and brought me out of a prison so deep and dark no one could have gotten out. Thank you, Lord, for thinking I was worth saving. I love you, Lord, with all I am, and all I have. All the praise and glory go to you, and I am not afraid to tell about it either. Amen.

Embers and Fire

I'm thinking about fire tonight. I read a couple of poems I wrote called Butterfly Wings and one called Billy and started thinking about fire for some reason. And now there's a poem in the works. So far it looks like this:



A tiny ember glowed in the dark.
It was hardly bright enough to notice,
But it made a tiny warm space in my heart.



Covered in ashes, slowly burning out,
There was no fuel to feed it,
I was slowly dying within and without.



And then I started thinking about the color of embers, and how they're red, and that's the same color of blood, and that led me to thinking about how Jesus died for us and covers us with His blood. I am so grateful that He was willing to do this for us. I know that I would not be where I am today without Jesus. I was a mess, trying to control the chaos around me and not succeeding, trying to keep the space around me calm and peaceful and getting nowhere close.



But that tiny ember got fed a little fuel called love, and turned into a flame. The flame kept getting fed love, and some hope got thrown in, and it turned into a campfire. Then the campfire turned into a bonfire because a lot more fuel got put into it -- hope, love, peace, joy, mercy, grace, righteousness, holiness, compassion, jealousy, and so much more than I can even think of right now. And that bonfire has been keeping me clean because it burns off the things that aren't from God, and makes me a better person. It makes me want to sing "Bless the Lord, oh my soul, and all that is within me. Bless His holy name." I think it's cool that everything in me, both the good and the bad, has to bow down and bless the Lord. And then I want to dance. Then I want to sing some more. And here I am, writing encouragement into me so I can have more hope and faith that I am doing what God wants me to do, and instead of going to bed I want to dance and shout for joy! God is so good!



Anyway, those were my thoughts for tonight. Embers are red. Blood is red. And red is my favorite color. Always has been. For me, red is not for anger, red is for love. Even when I was a kid and didn't know anything about God, because I was not brought up in the church. When I stop to think about it, I'm surprised I am who I am today because I sure enough shouldn't be here if all the things that have gone on in my life had come to fruition. God has had His hand on me my entire life, I just didn't know it back then. Thank you, Lord, for your mercy and grace, for your love, your peace, your joy. Time for bed now or I won't want to get up in the morning.

More Musings

A long time in the car over the past few days. Ten hours from Moberly, MO, to Rice Lake, WI. We started at mom's. She was so happy to see us. I find it funny the girls can't get in her house or leave it without getting a hug. They so don't like to be touched. I understand why, but can't do anything about it. It will change when they get older, I'm sure.

It's funny how things get mixed up. Mom asked me if I'd heard from Jerry recently, and then informed me he'd been in the hospital with an infection in his heart. She was frantic, and putting herself into a tither worrying about him being alone, and dying alone, and all kinds of stuff. I finally scolded her for all the bad thoughts, and reminded her how I wasn't going to talk to her any more when I told her about my cancer because she had me dead and dying and I was trying to live. She says she can't help it. I think we'll have to start limiting the information we give her when something unpleasant happens. I reminded her that Jerry isn't dad; Jerry has and will have friends. If anything happens to him, someone will notify us. I hope the message got across.

It was nice to visit my home church in Newport, MN. I've missed them a lot. Sunday's teaching by Pastor Tom Marxen boilded down to forgiveness; and how we must forgive if we're going to live in the ocean with Jesus instead of in our little boat with a limited view of everything.

And the DNA of God is four parts: God, Spirit, Soul and Body. DNA in the natural has four strands as well because we were made in His image. God is triune (three in one), but His DNA is four parts. I totally get it. Thank you Lord, for my understanding, your grace, and your mercy and your love.

Here's a word:

I love you, so I forgive you.
I loved you enough to send my Son.
I loved you enough to redeem you.
I love you enough to save you.
I love you so much more than you will ever know.
Your sins are washed away with the blood of my Son.
I forgive you because I love you.
How I love you.

Be blessed, everyone. Have a safe and wonderful week in spite of what's going on around you.