Cancer FREE

Year number three
Out of chemotherapy
And I am still
CANCER FREE!

My three year anniversay was October 10. I almost didn't realize it, I was so worried about that ultrasound. After a LONG 1.5 hours, the test was clean! I can't even begin to explain how relieved I was. And how thankful I am that even when I am scare, even when I have doubts, God is right there in the middle of everything, taking care of all the details. I was angry that it took three tests to figure out what I told them the first time. But I think I was more angry with myself for not fighting the fear harder. I was fighting pretty hard, whether others saw it or not.

In some ways I don't understand why people celebrate having survived cancer, but in some ways I do. It's like a birthday or an anniversary, with one more year of life lived. Maybe I don't celebrate it like some because of all the others things I've gone through that have been life altering/life threatening, and this was one more battle to win. I don't know. I just know I like to celebrate life every day, and I never forget where I've come from. I am so grateful to God for bringing me this far, and I know I have farther to go. Life is an adventure, so live it to the fullest, to the best of your ability.

Sure, I don't have the money to do some of the things I want to do like travel, but my kids still have a mother, I still help others, I am doing things I enjoy even while I'm working, and God is just SO GOOD that I have to love Him with all I am. And I do. So whoever reads this, God is good. God is faithful. God is jealous over me and you, and even when you don't see Him, or feel Him, He is HERE! I think of all the times He's had to carry me because I was too weak to even walk or crawl, and I KNOW how blessed I am. So for me, all the glory goes to God because I sure couldn't have done it myself. I would have been dead years ago. Sean and Brian would have been mourning the loss of a mother, and Robin, Stephanie and James wouldn't even be here. All those years of depression, of thoughts of suicide when I thought I couldn't handle it anymore, are memories of the person I was. But that's the best part, they are just memories. I am alive, and I have God to thank for that because He reached out and picked me up and brought me out of a prison so deep and dark no one could have gotten out. Thank you, Lord, for thinking I was worth saving. I love you, Lord, with all I am, and all I have. All the praise and glory go to you, and I am not afraid to tell about it either. Amen.

Mammograms

I really dislike mammograms. They hurt, for one thing. Research is now saying that they aren't the best for catching cancer. And I ALWAYS have to go back for a second one, although this time I might have to have an ultrsound as well. All this after I told the tech who was doing the test that I didn't want to go back there again. Oh well.

When I got the call saying I need to go back, I just about freaked out. I cannot go through cancer treatment again. I don't want my kids being scared about me again. It was so difficult to maintain a positive attitude last time, how could I do it again? Soooo....

I am claiming good health. I do not have anything to worry about. The words I tell my kids, that I will live to be well over 100, and healthy, will not come back void. I have the divine health of the Lord because I am His kid. I am the daughter of the King, and I am kept in His hands, under His protection, at all times. I have nothing to worry about. And I will keep on singing this song:

You are the Lord that healeth me. You are the Lord my healer. You sent your Word and healed my disease, You are the Lord, my healer.

Anyway, these are my thoughts on mammograms. Horrible things, in my opinion, and I don't like horrible things. Thank you, Jesus, for my divine health. Amen.