Rescued

When I look at my life today,
I know I would not have chosen this way.

My life was on a fast track,
And I don't want to go back.

I needed and wanted to slow down
And plant my feet on solid ground.

Instead, I was on shifting sand,
A traveler in this foreign land.

Tired of being so alone,
Always wanting to go home.

I seemed to be on the outside looking in,
Far too busy to have many friends.

Help me to slow down, I prayed.
But ow I cried on that day.

Like a giant tree, I fell
To fight another battle to get well.

For me, my greatest wealth
Is to have thriving, good health.

So I will do whatever I must,
Because in God alone I really trust,

To know and provide what's best for me.
His best is what sets me free.

And because of His mercy and grace,
One day, I will see His face,

Unless, of course, I fall down
With my face upon the ground,

Overcome with awe
That when God looked at me He saw,

Not the filthy mess I was in
To be rescued from again and again,

But someone worthy to be His child,
Even when I was crazy and wild.

I'm proud to be a follower of the living Christ.
I'm so glad Jesus came to give His life

To rescue me and set me free,
So I can be with Him for eternity.

Thank you.
Amen

It's been a year since I've done any blogging.  I've been sick.  We thought I was suffering bronchial problems due to exposure to mold while I was living in Missouri.  I moved back to Minnesota September 1, 2012, and finally got to a doctor in December.  I may have been suffering from the mold exposure, but the real reason behind the coughing and shortness of breath was that I had stage 4 breast cancer, and it was in my right lung, around the right bronchial tube (which caused the coughing), and in my bones - lower spine, hips, tailbone, pelvis, etc.  The doctors put me into the hospital for tests right after Christmas.  I started chemo in January.  It was a very aggressive treatment, and it wiped me out physically, but I am now in remission and go in once a month for shots and treatment for healing my bones.  The naysayers didn't get me down.  I believe and trust that God has a plan and is using me to spread His word to even more.  When one of my Missouri friends said she was sorry I am going through this, I had to tell her to not be sorry for me.  If I hadn't been at the cancer center, I would not have been able to talk to people about how good God is and how He has a plan for all of us.  I do know I have to be more careful about what I pray for.  I told God I didn't want to work for anyone any more, and here I am, on disability, not working at all except to get well again.  But I am starting to feel better.  It's good to not be coughing a lot of the time.  I can sleep all night lying in bed and not sitting in the recliner.  I get tired easily, but I'm actually thinking about gardening if the weather ever gets nice enough.  And I'm going fishing with my brother.  I haven't been fishing in years - always too busy.  My life has slowed down a  lot, and I am enjoying not being constantly in demand to do something.  So now I have time to write and put things here again.  I have a mighty God, and I am grateful to Him for all He does for me.  He is always here, in my time of need and my time of no need.  He is awesome, and I love Him so much.  There just aren't enough words or actions that can show this, but I can try.

I'm Thankful

I’m thankful for eyes to see
Oceans, rivers, birds in the sky,
Babies, and flowers and trees.

I’m thankful for ears to hear
The wind, music, and a loved one’s voice,
And the songs of birds, far and near.

I’m thankful for hands and feet
That do what I want,
So my tasks I can complete.

I’m thankful for a voice that can express
Words of hope, joy, love and peace,
Words we need to constantly confess.

I’m thankful for my health,
Sometimes bad, mostly good,
Because it’s my greatest wealth.

I’m thankful for my family
With all our differences and quirks,
Never boring, with all that variety.

I’m thankful for a God I can trust,
Who is always there for me.
Whenever I need Him, I just call Jesus.

There is so much for me to be thankful for,
I could never tell about everything,
For as I tell of one, I think of one more.

Being Thankful

Being thankful is not a hard thing to be,
Because God has set me free,
Free from the chains of my past,
Free with a joy that will forever last.

I was such a mess at the start,
Not so much now as I let Him heal my heart.
I carried a heavy burden from my sin and shame,
Made even heavier from my grief and pain.

I wandered in darkness, confused and lost.
Somebody’s prayers helped me find the cross.
How I wept as I lay on my face,
Sorrowful at what I was, but amazed at God’s grace.

I don’t know how He could love someone like me.
I don’t understand His willingness to give His mercy
To someone full of rebellion and pride,
Failing miserably at running my own life.

But God loves me, and I walk in His grace and mercy.
God loves me, and is guiding me to victory.
So while I’m on this earth, and when I get to heaven,
I’ll do my absolute best to praise and thank Him, again and again.

Gone Home

He was my pastor,
He was my friend,
And though he's gone,
I know I'll see him again.

He lived what he taught,
He lived what he believed,
And though he's gone,
He didn't leave in defeat.

He followed his Savior, Jesus.
He ran the race victoriously.
He thrived under God's grace,
And to God's love he had the key.

He loved people in their joy.
He loved them through pain and sorrow.
He taught them the skills to cope,
And kept reminding them there's hope for tomorrow.

We can be joyful even though we're sad
That his journey has come to and end.
It's okay for us to miss him, but we must stay strong,
Because this man has gone home to heaven.

I Drink

I drink from the cup given to me The cup where life is not easy I drink from the cup of hard work, pain and sorrow From the cup where I worry about tomorrow I drink from the cup that causes me to frown From the cup that keeps knocking me down There is another cup, with something sweet There is another cup that I’d like to keep It’s the cup of mercy and grace It’s the cup that can forgive my mistakes This cup is offered to me every day, every minute But all too often I reject everything that’s in it I often drink from this cup only when life is too hard And I’m flat on my back with a broken heart Oh, how sad it is that I don’t drink from this cup every day The cup of sweetness where everything is God’s way I should drink constantly from the cup dipped into the River of Life Constantly drink from the cup that filters out chaos and strife I should drink constantly from the cup that offered me So I can find true relief from the cup that was given to me

What is Life?

Life is spring, and birth. Life is summer, and childhood. Life is fall, and adulthood. Life is winter, old age, and death. Life is God. God is life.

His Hands

God has such big hands
That He can hold people in all lands.
He holds us in His palm,
Turns our chaos into calm.
When He closes His fingers tight,
He gives us a chance to gain sight.
He spreads them apart a little bit
To let us have trials we won't forget,
So that our muscle of faith
Can become stronger to run the race.
I am a child of God
And don't think it's odd
That I have all I need
Since Jesus set me free.

Oh What Joy

I was in a valley.
I was tightly bound.
There were dry bones
All around.
I was in a pit,
And sinking fast.
I had nothing to hold on to,
Nothing to grasp.
I wasn't going to last much longer,
I was sinking so fast.
There was death all around me,
In a place where nothing lasts.
I was so scared,
I was terrified.
Trying to break free,
I fought and I cried.
My mom and my dad
Couldn't rescue me.
My sisters and my brothers
Couldn't set me free.
In a valley so deep and forsaken,
I didn't have the skills I needed to cope.
Vultures and sin were eating at my flesh.
My life had no hope.
I fought and tried to get away.
My heart was broken and so sore.
There was no one to help me,
But somehow, I thought there must be more.
Something was tickling my memory.
I thought about stories I'd heard.
Something about a man named Jesus,
And how he taught God's word.
The stories said he was knocking at my heart.
They said he could wash away my sin.
They said he was a gentleman, and kind,
And that he would keep knocking until I let him in.
Those stories said he could unbind me.
They said he could make me clean and whole again.
They said all I had to do was ask.
So I asked, and I prayed.
I knew there was a God; I hoped the stories were true.
"Jesus, would you come into my heart today?
Can you get me out of this mess I've made?
Would you come into my heart to stay?"
Oh what joy, because the stories were true.
Oh what joy, those stories I heard.
Oh what joy, I'm one of those stories today.
Oh what joy, all because of God's precious word.

Cancer FREE

Year number three
Out of chemotherapy
And I am still
CANCER FREE!

My three year anniversay was October 10. I almost didn't realize it, I was so worried about that ultrasound. After a LONG 1.5 hours, the test was clean! I can't even begin to explain how relieved I was. And how thankful I am that even when I am scare, even when I have doubts, God is right there in the middle of everything, taking care of all the details. I was angry that it took three tests to figure out what I told them the first time. But I think I was more angry with myself for not fighting the fear harder. I was fighting pretty hard, whether others saw it or not.

In some ways I don't understand why people celebrate having survived cancer, but in some ways I do. It's like a birthday or an anniversary, with one more year of life lived. Maybe I don't celebrate it like some because of all the others things I've gone through that have been life altering/life threatening, and this was one more battle to win. I don't know. I just know I like to celebrate life every day, and I never forget where I've come from. I am so grateful to God for bringing me this far, and I know I have farther to go. Life is an adventure, so live it to the fullest, to the best of your ability.

Sure, I don't have the money to do some of the things I want to do like travel, but my kids still have a mother, I still help others, I am doing things I enjoy even while I'm working, and God is just SO GOOD that I have to love Him with all I am. And I do. So whoever reads this, God is good. God is faithful. God is jealous over me and you, and even when you don't see Him, or feel Him, He is HERE! I think of all the times He's had to carry me because I was too weak to even walk or crawl, and I KNOW how blessed I am. So for me, all the glory goes to God because I sure couldn't have done it myself. I would have been dead years ago. Sean and Brian would have been mourning the loss of a mother, and Robin, Stephanie and James wouldn't even be here. All those years of depression, of thoughts of suicide when I thought I couldn't handle it anymore, are memories of the person I was. But that's the best part, they are just memories. I am alive, and I have God to thank for that because He reached out and picked me up and brought me out of a prison so deep and dark no one could have gotten out. Thank you, Lord, for thinking I was worth saving. I love you, Lord, with all I am, and all I have. All the praise and glory go to you, and I am not afraid to tell about it either. Amen.

Walking With God

Driving down a country road on a dark, dark night reminds me of my walk with God.

When there is no light except the moon and stars, you have to be very careful of where you're going. You have trouble seeing, and you can't go faster than the headlights shining in front of you. If you go too fast, you could take a wrong turn and wind up in the ditch or field. When I'm in that stage, I'm all tense and anxious and trying to be in control of something I really have no control over.

When I don't slow down and listen to God, I get sidetracked into something that probably isn't good for me. Getting back on track is a lot easier than getting out of the ditch. Getting back on track requires work as well. I still need to read my Bible; I still need to pray; I still need to worship God.

God is waiting for me to turn around and come back to Him whenever I get sidetracked (and that happens often, though less now than it used to). He loves me whatever condition I'm in. And when I stay focused on Him, He lights my path and the darkness around me dissipates so I can see, especially with my spiritual eyes. When I stay focused on Him, grace and mercy cover my back, arm in arm, and I am safe. As long as I stay focused on Him, grace and mercy help to get me through whatever I'm going through. Faith helps a lot too, and gets stronger every time I have to go through a test of some kind.

I can tell the differences in my walk with God. Sometimes I see only a candle flame, beckoning me to go forward and not look back. Looking back is okay for learning the lessons, but looking back takes my focus off God and I just fall farther and farther away. The candle flame keeps me focused because I can see it even though the darkness is dissipated only a little.

As I move closer to God, the light becomes more like a campfire, warm and welcoming, keeping the darkness at bay. There is comfort in a campfire, and I like watching the embers as the fire dies down.

And the closer I get to God, the bigger and hotter the fire gets, until it's like a bonfire. That bonfire burns away the debris of sin and anything else that doesn't make me pure and holy. It's a cleansing fire, and I become refined in the fire. It doesn't hurt me, although the sound and heat make me think it would. But I come out of that bonfire a better person, stronger, more hopeful, more faithful, more enthusiastic and eager to do what God wants me to do. That fire helps me to become holy, because my God is holy.

God is great. God is good. God loves us so much, and blesses us so much, it's surprising we keep turning away from Him. I'm glad He keeps His arms open wide until I go into them so He can hold me closer than any person on this earth can.

My prayer is that I stay on the path with the light, with Jesus to lean on or carry me when I need it. I pray that for you as well.

The Mending Heart

As I take these clothes apart
So I can make necessary repairs,
I think about my broken heart
And about how people used to stare.

I wear my heart on my sleeve
Where everyone sees what's going on.
They've seen me broken beyond belief,
And they see me since I met God's son.

I was really quite a mess,
Had trouble holding myself together.
From childhood on were nothing but major tests
That I failed miserably until I met my big brother.

Most clothes I can mend,
But some are too ripped and torn.
Those are the ones I send
To the trash because they're too worn.

I'm so glad God could see
Something good under all my trash.
I'm so glad He finds me worthy
To hold me close and fast.

I'm glad He can heal my heart.
I'm happy He can mend my soul.
I'm so glad He gave me a fresh start,
And that I'm on my way to becoming whole.

As I look at the clothes I mend,
And make some of them like new,
I'm glad God thought it worthwhile to send
His son Jesus, to save not just me, but also you!

My Heart

My heart is red,
Covered by the blood Jesus shed.

My heart is strong,
Because it's to God to whom it belongs.

My heart is white,
Filled with God's holy light.

My heart is overflowing with joy,
Full of praise for God to enjoy.

My heart is blue,
Covered with the bumps and bruises

Given to me by a life
Surrounded by chaos and strife.

And my heart is whole
As Jesus heals my soul.

So my heart is red, white and blue,
And dependent on God, who is faithful and true.