Rescued

When I look at my life today,
I know I would not have chosen this way.

My life was on a fast track,
And I don't want to go back.

I needed and wanted to slow down
And plant my feet on solid ground.

Instead, I was on shifting sand,
A traveler in this foreign land.

Tired of being so alone,
Always wanting to go home.

I seemed to be on the outside looking in,
Far too busy to have many friends.

Help me to slow down, I prayed.
But ow I cried on that day.

Like a giant tree, I fell
To fight another battle to get well.

For me, my greatest wealth
Is to have thriving, good health.

So I will do whatever I must,
Because in God alone I really trust,

To know and provide what's best for me.
His best is what sets me free.

And because of His mercy and grace,
One day, I will see His face,

Unless, of course, I fall down
With my face upon the ground,

Overcome with awe
That when God looked at me He saw,

Not the filthy mess I was in
To be rescued from again and again,

But someone worthy to be His child,
Even when I was crazy and wild.

I'm proud to be a follower of the living Christ.
I'm so glad Jesus came to give His life

To rescue me and set me free,
So I can be with Him for eternity.

Thank you.
Amen

It's been a year since I've done any blogging.  I've been sick.  We thought I was suffering bronchial problems due to exposure to mold while I was living in Missouri.  I moved back to Minnesota September 1, 2012, and finally got to a doctor in December.  I may have been suffering from the mold exposure, but the real reason behind the coughing and shortness of breath was that I had stage 4 breast cancer, and it was in my right lung, around the right bronchial tube (which caused the coughing), and in my bones - lower spine, hips, tailbone, pelvis, etc.  The doctors put me into the hospital for tests right after Christmas.  I started chemo in January.  It was a very aggressive treatment, and it wiped me out physically, but I am now in remission and go in once a month for shots and treatment for healing my bones.  The naysayers didn't get me down.  I believe and trust that God has a plan and is using me to spread His word to even more.  When one of my Missouri friends said she was sorry I am going through this, I had to tell her to not be sorry for me.  If I hadn't been at the cancer center, I would not have been able to talk to people about how good God is and how He has a plan for all of us.  I do know I have to be more careful about what I pray for.  I told God I didn't want to work for anyone any more, and here I am, on disability, not working at all except to get well again.  But I am starting to feel better.  It's good to not be coughing a lot of the time.  I can sleep all night lying in bed and not sitting in the recliner.  I get tired easily, but I'm actually thinking about gardening if the weather ever gets nice enough.  And I'm going fishing with my brother.  I haven't been fishing in years - always too busy.  My life has slowed down a  lot, and I am enjoying not being constantly in demand to do something.  So now I have time to write and put things here again.  I have a mighty God, and I am grateful to Him for all He does for me.  He is always here, in my time of need and my time of no need.  He is awesome, and I love Him so much.  There just aren't enough words or actions that can show this, but I can try.

I'm Thankful

I’m thankful for eyes to see
Oceans, rivers, birds in the sky,
Babies, and flowers and trees.

I’m thankful for ears to hear
The wind, music, and a loved one’s voice,
And the songs of birds, far and near.

I’m thankful for hands and feet
That do what I want,
So my tasks I can complete.

I’m thankful for a voice that can express
Words of hope, joy, love and peace,
Words we need to constantly confess.

I’m thankful for my health,
Sometimes bad, mostly good,
Because it’s my greatest wealth.

I’m thankful for my family
With all our differences and quirks,
Never boring, with all that variety.

I’m thankful for a God I can trust,
Who is always there for me.
Whenever I need Him, I just call Jesus.

There is so much for me to be thankful for,
I could never tell about everything,
For as I tell of one, I think of one more.

A Beautiful Day

The sun was shining today, and it's supposed to be nice tomorrow. Then rain next week. I had a wonderful day at work. Between answering the phone and helping the customers who came in, I figured out a crochet pattern, and made a dozen bell ornaments for the upcoming craft show. Until I finish the never-ending quilt, which is almost ready for the binding, and the Halloween afghan, and all the mending I've been doing, I am rarely just sitting.

BUT, I've been thinking about a title for the next book (not the one being edited right now-that's called From Trouble to Joy). Thinking about cups. Maybe I should just write a bunch more about cups. Already have three poems. I think I could come up with enough to fill a chapbook with 31 poems. Might take a little time, though. :)

Is my cup half full or is it half empty?
Are there dregs on the bottom,
Or is it clear as can be?

Good start, I think. Think I'll go write. Good way to unwind.

Got a letter from the MRI people today. Recommends another mammogram in six months to check an area that they believe is probably benign. What do they know? I am healed. I am trusting the Lord in this. I refuse to worry about it, and I will stay healthy. I'm so much better since I moved here. I have less stress, I'm getting rid of weight, I'm eating better, and I'm happy. What more can we ask for? God is taking care of me. I am absolutely fine, and no person is going to tell me otherwise.

Enough for now. Gotta go write about cups being half full. Hallelujah!

Scared and Worried

I admit, I'm scared and a little worried. Tomorrow I go for the ultrasound. I wasn't going to, but I got another letter after the second mammogram, saying they need to look into whatever it is they're seeing. I'm angry, I'm scared, I'm worried. Angry because I have to go for another test instead of being told everything looks find. Scared because if the cancer is back, how am I going to pay for everything? I have no insurance even though I want it. I can't afford it. Worried because I don't know if I can go through this again. The only person here is Robin. She's very responsible, and has lots of common sense, and I trust her, but why should she be the only one here to help me? Then again, in Minnesota, the kids were my help - and my brother-in-law. A few others helped by cooking and giving us gift cards for groceries, but it was me and the kids. James was in 10th grade, Stephanie a senior and Robin in college. Brian was in the Marines, and Sean was busy with his family. He spent a lot of time at the hospital with Audrey those days. It seemed every time Robin came home she was taking me to the emergency room. That's why I depended on God so much to get me through that. When it comes down to it, we always go through stuff alone, don't we?

So tonight I'm writing to encourage myself. To tell those fears to get out, they don't belong here. To remind myself I am a child of God, and that He knows what His plan is even if I don't. To remind myself He has his hand prints all over me, and will use everything I go through for His glory. Even when I don't see any glory in suffering, and pain, and grief.

The name of the Lord is a strong tower. The righteous run into it and they are saved.

The Lord is MY strong tower.
The Lord is my refuge, and my strength.
The Lord is my peace and my joy.
He loves me in spite of what I am,
And I will bless Him forever.

I will enter His courts with thanksgiving.
I will praise Him in my sorrow.
I will praise Him in my sickness.
I will praise Him in my gladness.
I will praise Him in my health.
I will praise the Lord for all He has done for me.

Bless the Lord, oh my soul, and ALL that is within me. Bless His holy name.

Everything within me must bless the Lord.
Everything within me must bow down before Him.
Everything within me must worship the Lord, no matter what it is.
Everything within me must bow down before the Lord or it must leave.

I shall keep singing and dancing. I shall keep praising His name. For even though I don't want to go through another test, I will not say no to the Lord because I love Him so much. And I will praise Him the entire time, in my tears, in my fears, for He shall put me into His arms and give me peace and joy, hope and love. I will praise the Lord forever. Amen.

Mammograms

I really dislike mammograms. They hurt, for one thing. Research is now saying that they aren't the best for catching cancer. And I ALWAYS have to go back for a second one, although this time I might have to have an ultrsound as well. All this after I told the tech who was doing the test that I didn't want to go back there again. Oh well.

When I got the call saying I need to go back, I just about freaked out. I cannot go through cancer treatment again. I don't want my kids being scared about me again. It was so difficult to maintain a positive attitude last time, how could I do it again? Soooo....

I am claiming good health. I do not have anything to worry about. The words I tell my kids, that I will live to be well over 100, and healthy, will not come back void. I have the divine health of the Lord because I am His kid. I am the daughter of the King, and I am kept in His hands, under His protection, at all times. I have nothing to worry about. And I will keep on singing this song:

You are the Lord that healeth me. You are the Lord my healer. You sent your Word and healed my disease, You are the Lord, my healer.

Anyway, these are my thoughts on mammograms. Horrible things, in my opinion, and I don't like horrible things. Thank you, Jesus, for my divine health. Amen.