Rainy Day

It's been raining a lot lately, and today is another rainy one. At least it stayed clear enough for James to get in a full shift at the pool, where he's a lifeguard.

I'm learning to hold my tongue. James is thinking maybe he doesn't want to go to school in Canada after all. On one hand, I've already paid out a lot of money for him to go there. On the other hand, if the school in North Dakota accepts his final transcripts, he gets a better financial package. AND he'll be able to get to the Twin Cities easier than from Canada. I'm being quiet, answering questions when he asks, and letting him make the choice. Can't push this one on him. I have to let him grow up and make his own decisions. This is what I've been trying to do all those years, right?

Robin has an interview for a full time job Thursday. I hope it's something she wants and that she gets it if it is. Ironic that the kids can get jobs, but I can't. I'm tired of filling out applications. At least I've been starting to get interviews. Have two more to apply for by Friday, and think I'll check out a factory one too. Just gotta have faith that God will put the right one in my face and that I'll know it. It just might be that I'm supposed to wait until after I take James to school, wherever he's going, so I don't have to take time off right away too. Who knows. I certainly don't any more.

Enough for now. Have to work on the "never ending quilt". It's getting closer to being finished, though...finally! I remember why I don't quilt, it takes too long! Be blessed.

The Mending Heart

As I take these clothes apart
So I can make necessary repairs,
I think about my broken heart
And about how people used to stare.

I wear my heart on my sleeve
Where everyone sees what's going on.
They've seen me broken beyond belief,
And they see me since I met God's son.

I was really quite a mess,
Had trouble holding myself together.
From childhood on were nothing but major tests
That I failed miserably until I met my big brother.

Most clothes I can mend,
But some are too ripped and torn.
Those are the ones I send
To the trash because they're too worn.

I'm so glad God could see
Something good under all my trash.
I'm so glad He finds me worthy
To hold me close and fast.

I'm glad He can heal my heart.
I'm happy He can mend my soul.
I'm so glad He gave me a fresh start,
And that I'm on my way to becoming whole.

As I look at the clothes I mend,
And make some of them like new,
I'm glad God thought it worthwhile to send
His son Jesus, to save not just me, but also you!

Empty Vessel

I am nothing but an empty vessel
That needs to be filled up.

On the days I am overflowing with bad things,
I pray to God and ask Him to take them from me.

There are times when I am so empty,
I am not any good for any one.

Those are the times I ask God to fill me up.

Fill me with your love, oh Lord.
That is what I seek.

Fill me with your hope, oh Lord.
It's you this empty vessel needs.

Oh God, fill me with your joy.
Let it overflow out of me.

Take my cup, oh God, and fill it to overflowing.
Help me become who you want me to be.

I pray, oh Lord, htat you fill this empty vessel.
Fill me up and set me free.

Quiet Time

The house is quiet. Robin is at work and James went to play basketball. No tv, no radio, and Rusty is sleeping at my feet. What joy when it's quiet! I don't understand the need people feel for noise all the time. My ears hurt, I get a headache, and I feel bombarded when I don't get peace and quiet. Don't misunderstand, I do like noise. I like to talk to people, I like to listen to music (but not full blast very often), I like to hear people in other rooms and know I'm not alone.

But I like alone time. I can think then. Or I can zone out if I want to, and not think at all because I've been thinking too much. It's easier to write when it's quiet. And God gave us a day of rest so we could have peace and quiet.

I do have work I need to finish. I do have chores that need doing. But those are always there. Peace and quiet are not, so I am taking advantage of it. I need to clear my brain, to slow down, to see, touch and smell the good things so I can be rejuvenated. An empty vessel needs to be filled up so it can give more. I like being an empty vessel and being filled with God's love and peace and joy.

Proverbs 17:1 Better is a dry morsel, and quietness therewith, than an house full of sacrifices with strife. (KJ)

Genesis 2:2 And on the seventh day God ended his work which he had made; and he rested on the seventh day from all his work which he had made. (KJ)

So for this hour or so I will rest in the peace that God has seen fit to give to me. And when James gets home, I will be ready to cook supper, to listen to him, etc. etc. I need a new poem about peace, I think.

4th of July

4th of July, Independence Day here in the US. A question got asked at church: What does it mean to you to be an American? I started to write down all the things it means to me, freedom to worship as I choose, no armed soldiers on corners, freedom to read, write, speak what I want, and so much more. And then I remembered a poem I wrote, and got to read it. It's published in my book "Expressions of Joy".

The Color of My Heart

The color of my heart is red, white and blue
To God and my country, my heart is faithful and true.

For God and America, I'll make a stand
To protect my rights and freedoms in this great land.

I want to live a life full of fire
To work, play and worship as I desire.

To live my life without fear or shame,
To not need someone else to blame.

To walk in the streets bold and upright,
To live a life in the open, out in the light.

To not worry about what I read, write or say,
To do what I want, each and every day.

I'm willing to take on freedom's responsibilities,
To help people over here...and overseas.

I'll support my leaders, whether or not I agree,
Differences of opinion are allowed in the land of the free.

And since the inside of my heart really is red,
I'll weep with those families where blood was shed

Fighting to protect people in other lands,
Those American GIs, every woman and man.

They made a choice, followed orders from the boss.
They did their jobs, at a very high cost.

They're keeping America safe for you and me.
American the beautiful, America the free.

For all this, I'll bless my Father above,
And may God bless America, land that I love.


So for me, the 4th of July is more than fireworks, picnics, having fun. It's a way of life I don't want to end, and I'll continue to respect the offices of this country's leaders even if I don't agree with them, I'll vote, I'll help people where I can, and I will continue to walk in the path God has chosen for me, even when I'm not sure where that path is leading here on this earth. Life is an adventure, and I am willing to experience it as long as I am supposed to. Some days I can hardly wait for the adventure of seeing Jesus face to face. I think heaven will never be boring, or lonely, or any of the bad/sad things we go through here. Some days I want this journey to finish quickly, and others I think it won't be long enough to do all I need to do. What a dilemma!

My Heart

My heart is red,
Covered by the blood Jesus shed.

My heart is strong,
Because it's to God to whom it belongs.

My heart is white,
Filled with God's holy light.

My heart is overflowing with joy,
Full of praise for God to enjoy.

My heart is blue,
Covered with the bumps and bruises

Given to me by a life
Surrounded by chaos and strife.

And my heart is whole
As Jesus heals my soul.

So my heart is red, white and blue,
And dependent on God, who is faithful and true.