Cancer FREE

Year number three
Out of chemotherapy
And I am still
CANCER FREE!

My three year anniversay was October 10. I almost didn't realize it, I was so worried about that ultrasound. After a LONG 1.5 hours, the test was clean! I can't even begin to explain how relieved I was. And how thankful I am that even when I am scare, even when I have doubts, God is right there in the middle of everything, taking care of all the details. I was angry that it took three tests to figure out what I told them the first time. But I think I was more angry with myself for not fighting the fear harder. I was fighting pretty hard, whether others saw it or not.

In some ways I don't understand why people celebrate having survived cancer, but in some ways I do. It's like a birthday or an anniversary, with one more year of life lived. Maybe I don't celebrate it like some because of all the others things I've gone through that have been life altering/life threatening, and this was one more battle to win. I don't know. I just know I like to celebrate life every day, and I never forget where I've come from. I am so grateful to God for bringing me this far, and I know I have farther to go. Life is an adventure, so live it to the fullest, to the best of your ability.

Sure, I don't have the money to do some of the things I want to do like travel, but my kids still have a mother, I still help others, I am doing things I enjoy even while I'm working, and God is just SO GOOD that I have to love Him with all I am. And I do. So whoever reads this, God is good. God is faithful. God is jealous over me and you, and even when you don't see Him, or feel Him, He is HERE! I think of all the times He's had to carry me because I was too weak to even walk or crawl, and I KNOW how blessed I am. So for me, all the glory goes to God because I sure couldn't have done it myself. I would have been dead years ago. Sean and Brian would have been mourning the loss of a mother, and Robin, Stephanie and James wouldn't even be here. All those years of depression, of thoughts of suicide when I thought I couldn't handle it anymore, are memories of the person I was. But that's the best part, they are just memories. I am alive, and I have God to thank for that because He reached out and picked me up and brought me out of a prison so deep and dark no one could have gotten out. Thank you, Lord, for thinking I was worth saving. I love you, Lord, with all I am, and all I have. All the praise and glory go to you, and I am not afraid to tell about it either. Amen.